


Three of a Perfect Pair

by SarahZedig



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 1968 Dodge Charger, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Class Differences, F/F, ICP (mentioned), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, King Crimson - Freeform, Misogyny (genuine), Misogyny (ironic), Poverty, Prog Rock Discourse, Prog Rock Discussion, References to Drugs, Robert Fripp (Mentioned), Sexual Humor, Shoplifting, Talking Heads (Mentioned), Transphobia, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahZedig/pseuds/SarahZedig
Summary: June, Vriska, and Terezi go on a weekend road trip to spend a few days at the lake. Obviously, there is no drama at all and everything is fine.
Relationships: June Egbert/Vriska Serket, Terezi Pyrope/June Egbert, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Comments: 22
Kudos: 100
Collections: June Egbert Jam





	1. the gardener plants an evergreen

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this art](https://twitter.com/girlpillz/status/1329586898033991680?s=20) by @girlpillz on twitter, with thanks

It's 7am and I'm feeling cold as a witch's tit. Sitting on the porch with a big blue duffel bag next to me, purse in my lap. I'm nervous, but the birds are singing in tune today and I take that as a good sign.  
  
That's a fucked up saying, huh? "Cold as a witch's tit"? What's up with that?  
  
I think _I forgot my phone_ and start reflexively rifling through my bottomless pit of a handbag. Chapstick, keys, mace, that fucking knife she gave me that I still haven't unwrapped, little plastic thing of tissues, like a million pens. Where the fuck- then look down to see my phone still in my hands.  
  
Okay, so it's gonna be one of _those_ days. Cool.  
  
Behind me, the coils of the screen door creak as my dad peaks his head outside.

DAD: Is she late?  
JUNE: she's always late.  
DAD: Hmm.

There's a lot he could say in words that he leaves implied by the intonation of that _hmm._ I can already tell where this is going.

JUNE: dad. we talked about this.  
DAD: I know, dear.  
JUNE: we are going to be fine.  
DAD: I know.  
DAD: I would just be more comfortable if you had a chaperone, or-  
JUNE: dad! i am literally nineteen years old.  
DAD: I don't necessarily mean _just_ for you.  
JUNE: she's twenty two!

He holds his hands up like he's conceding the point, but of course he hasn't changed his mind about her. We've had this conversation before, we know where it ends. She's from the "bad" part of town, so of course she can't be trusted.

DAD: Do you have the mace I gave you?  
JUNE: yes, dad.  
DAD: I just want you to be safe.  
JUNE: i know, dad.  
DAD: It's a dangerous world out there for, erm- young women like you.  
JUNE: oh my GOD dad will you please leave me alone?  
JUNE: what does that even mean, "young women like me"? jesus.  
DAD: I'm not up on all the lingo, was that insensitive.  
JUNE: sigh.  
JUNE: no dad, that was great. i feel welcome and oh thank god she's finally here!!!!!!!!

I stand up and sling the duffel over my shoulder and walk towards the sidewalk as Vriska pulls up in her beat up old car. She hops the curb a little as she stops, gives a lazy little wave as I open the passenger door.  
  
Before we can zip away, dad leans in the window and eyes the both of us.

DAD: You two ladies behave this weekend, you hear me?  
VRISKA: Sure thing, Mr. Eg8ert.  
DAD: I'm not joking. No boys, no alcohol, no-  
JUNE: dad! oh my god!  
DAD: I'm going to be worried sick if I don't hear you say it.  
JUNE: ugh okay fine. no boys, no alcohol, no drugs.  
DAD: You too, Serket.  
VRISKA: Am I allowed to lie?

He does not laugh at her joke. I can feel myself melting into the leather of the seat.

DAD: No, you are not.  
VRISKA: Ok then! No boys, no 8ooze, no nothing. Thanks for lending me your daughter for the weekend 8y the way mr. dad8ert, it was awfully generous of you.  
JUNE: i love you dad please stop talking can we just go already oh my god  
DAD: I love you too, dear. Take care of yourself.

We peel off down the road into the morning air, and I heave a sigh of relief.

JUNE: sorry about that. he gets weird about me a lot.  
VRISKA: Them's the 8r8ks I guess.  
VRISKA: How you feeling?  
JUNE: uhhhh

How _am_ I feeling? I've been looking forward to this weekend for weeks now, but now that it's here...

JUNE: no idea honestly. i've never done anything like this before so it's all pretty, uh. new. to me.  
VRISKA: Never done anything like what? Like a road trip?  
JUNE: ...yeah.  
VRISKA: Holy shit, June, that's the most depressing thing I've ever heard!  
JUNE: oh whatever.

When we pull up to a red light, she puts a pack of cigarettes to her mouth and pulls one out with her lips. I watch as she slips the pack into her breast pocket and then pushes in the knob of the car's cigarette lighter. She has her left arm propped up on the ledge of the open window, fingers tapping along to the music playing from her phone propped up in a half of a dixie cup so it sounds louder. Doesn't exactly carry over the sound of the engine though.  
  
I remember the first time I got in this car like a year ago, this big fucking muscle car she keeps and maintains herself, and wondering how a thing like this even exists. She told me all about it in excruciating detail, most of which went right over my head. Old car from the sixties that her like great aunt or something used to drive around the country in. Like a family heirloom, this car.  
  
As she presses the red hot coil against the tip of her cigarette, she glances over me with a smirk planted in the corner of her lips.

VRISKA: Whatcha looking at?  
JUNE: you.  
JUNE: UHH! sorry is that weird? i'm being really weird, sorry-  
VRISKA: Dude, chill. I like when you look at me.  
JUNE: oh.

The light turns green and we peel off towards the highway.

JUNE: oh hey, that reminds me...

I reach into my purse and pull out a little black obelisk with buttons on it and set it on the dashboard.

VRISKA: Holy fuck is that a 8attery powered speaker?  
JUNE: yup! figured this'd probably be preferable to the dixie cup.  
VRISKA: Rich 8itch.  
JUNE: it was like twenty bucks on amazon!  
VRISKA: Imagine having twenty 8ucks to spare.  
JUNE: yeah yeah yeah. here...

I take Vriska's phone out of the cup and sync up the bluetooth, which takes way longer than it should, and suddenly her dad rock is much more present.  
  
The car is old enough that it doesn't even have a tape deck, and Vriska never wanted to ruin the original aesthetics of the car with some new ugly plastic addition. If radio stations played less commercials and more music that wasn't made by rich white people in the last ten years maybe it wouldn't be such an inconvenience.

VRISKA: Hell yeah, this rules.  
JUNE: who is this anyway?  
VRISKA: I'm not even gonna humor that question with a response.  
JUNE: i'm serious!  
VRISKA: How long have we known each other, June?  
JUNE: i dunno, like... a couple years?  
VRISKA: I feel like we've had this exact convers8ion at least once a week. Are you sure you don't have dementia?  
JUNE: yes! i'm just forgetful okay? it's my dumb broken adhd brain, i can't control what sticks and what doesn't.  
VRISKA: Uhuh.  
JUNE: sorry, it's gotta be frustrating. it's frustrating for me too.  
VRISKA: Yeah. Well. I guess it's cute that you keep asking.  
JUNE: :P  
VRISKA: It's King Crimson, 8y the way.  
JUNE: oh yeah! i remember that name. that's the one with the weird screaming face on the cover, right?  
VRISKA: 8ingo. Well, sort of. That's the al8um everyone knows them for, 8ut this is a different one.  
VRISKA: That one is a fucking classic though.  
VRISKA: Ro8ert Fripp though, he's the lead singer, real piece of work.  
JUNE: yeah?  
VRISKA: Loves to get mad at people for listening to his music "the wrong way," whatever the fuck that means. Like this?

She points at the speaker.

VRISKA: He'd pro8a8ly hate this.  
JUNE: why?  
VRISKA: I dunno man, dude's inscruta8le. Good musician though.

We stop another red light with the highway standing above us. I see Vriska's knuckles turn white.

JUNE: you okay?  
VRISKA: Yeah, you know, just a little nervous.  
VRISKA: Last time we hung out it was kind of a mess.  
JUNE: what? vriska you should have told me, i wouldn't have invited her if-  
VRISKA: Dude no way, you two are like a _thing_ now! I'm not gonna drive a wedge 8etween just 8ecause me and her have 8eef.  
JUNE: i don't want your beef to ruin the weekend though!  
VRISKA: It's not gonna ruin the weekend!  
JUNE: are you sure??  
VRISKA: It'll 8e fine!!!!!!!! Jeez you sound like my mom right now.

The light turns green and we pass the highway exit, cross under the overpass, turn towards the trailer park by the woods. Now I'm feeling nervous, too.

VRISKA: Sorry, I didn't mean that.  
JUNE: i know.  
VRISKA: I shouldn't say shit like that, I know, I'm trying to get 8etter a8out-  
JUNE: it's okay, really.

I put my hand on her knee and muster an easygoing smile.  
  
Vriska blushes a little and looks away.

VRISKA: Yeah. Well, here we are.

She honks the horn a few times as we park on the curb in front of her trailer. After a few seconds, she comes bounding out in her tanktop and backpack. She leans in the passenger side and shows us a wide toothy grin.

TEREZI: WH4TS UP 4SSHOLES  
JUNE: hey rezi!

She pulls open the door and crawls over me into the back seat.

VRISKA: Hey, watch the leather!  
TEREZI: W1TH WH4T, MY 3Y3S?  
VRISKA: You know what I meant.  
TEREZI: 1 DO >:]  
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 W3 W41T1NG FOR, L3TS FUCK1NG GO!


	2. heaven is a place where nothing happens

TEREZI: "BOYS"?  
TEREZI: H3 S41D TH4T??  
JUNE: yup!  
TEREZI: WOW  
TEREZI: YOUR D4D _R34LLY_ DO3SNT KNOW YOU, HUH??  
JUNE: look, he tries! i think he was just so invested in his son that when i became his daughter he flipped a switch in his head that was like, okay, june's your daughter now, _and all that that implies._  
TEREZI: WH4T 3LS3 DO3S H3 DO?  
JUNE: well like a month after i started hrt he noticed i was in a bad mood and went to the store to get me fucking tampons.  
TEREZI: H3 WH4T???  
JUNE: yeah i had to explain to him like, no dad, i didn't magically grow a vagina just because i started injecting girl juice into my belly fat.  
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS SO OBNOX1OUS >:O  
TEREZI: MY MOM JUST SL33PS 4LL TH3 T1M3  
JUNE: yeah i dunno, he's trying really hard but i wish he would just be normal sometimes.

The highway is full of other cars as we're passing through down town, but the lane of traffic never slows to a complete stop. Clouds have covered the sun and we've got the windows open. Road to Nowhere by Talking Heads is playing on the speaker brick, and I'm feeling a little car sick from all this stop and go. Open air helps a little.

VRISKA: At least he cares a8out you.  
JUNE: yeah... i guess that's true.  
VRISKA: Pffffffff, you _guess?_  
TEREZI: 4S 1F SH3 KNOWS 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG  
JUNE: hey!  
TEREZI: DONT PL4Y DUMB M1SS "BOYS C4N W34R SK1RTS TOO"  
JUNE: they can!  
VRISKA: We know several boys like that.  
TEREZI: Y34H 4ND TH3YR3 4LL CLOS3T C4S3S, JUST L1K3 OUR D34R SW33T JUN3Y W4S  
VRISKA: So, what, every 8oy who wears a skirt has to 8e a trans girl?  
TEREZI: NO, JUST TH3 ON3S 1 H4V3 4 CRUSH ON >:]  
VRISKA: Oh lord.  
JUNE: you really are like the monkey's paw of bisexuals.  
TEREZI: WH4T C4N 1 S4Y, 1 H4V3 4N UNN4TUR4LLY 4TTUN3D R4D4R FOR S1SS13S 4ND SUBM1SS1V3S  
JUNE: oh come on, i'm not-  
TEREZI: Y3S YOU 4R3  
JUNE: what! back me up here, vriska.  
VRISKA: On what, that you're like a 8utch top?  
JUNE: i mean, not in so many words but yeah!  
TEREZI: TH4T W4S TWO WORDS  
JUNE: quiet, you.  
VRISKA: Aaaaaaaah, um. Do you want me to lie?  
JUNE: come on!!!  
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4!!  
TEREZI: S33, 3GB3RT? 3V3N MY 3X 4GR33S W1TH M3  
JUNE: this sucks. fuck both of you.  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T 4N 1NV1T4T1ON? >;]  
JUNE: uhhhh!

I look to my left to see how Vriska's handling this bizarre twist of the conversation, but she looks fine. Maybe a little annoyed? But not _so_ annoyed that she's white knuckled or anything.  
  
Still, just to be safe I shoot Terezi a text.

EB: hey i know we're all having fun but i don't think v's down with the orgy jokes.  
GC: 4N ORGY R3QU1R3S MOR3 TH4N THR33 P3OPL3  
EB: whatever you know what i mean!  
EB: i just don't want to make her uncomfortable.  
GC: UGH F1N3 1LL TON3 1T DOWN FOR NOW  
EB: thanks <3  
GC: <3

I lean over to my right and stick my arm out the window. Watch how it moves with and against the wind. Back when I was a kid I used to imagine that Sonic the Hedgehog would run alongside the car with us when dad would drive me anywhere, jumping on mail boxes and power lines and junk. Now I'm just staring at closed storefronts and big neon signs from megacorporations and wondering if I'll ever visit a town that doesn't have something I've already seen before.  
  
Traffic's gotten worse. God I hate the city.

JUNE: can you pull over at a gas station or something? i'm feeling kinda car sick.  
VRISKA: Funny you should ask, I was already planning on getting off at the next exit.  
TEREZI: OH?  
VRISKA: Not like _that,_ dum8ass. I'm gonna meet someone at the Citgo to 8uy some weed.  
JUNE: woah, what?  
TEREZI: FUCK Y3S  
VRISKA: Don't worry, they're a friend.  
VRISKA: Sort of.  
VRISKA: I mean, they're more like a...  
TEREZI: >:?  
JUNE: ...yeah??  
VRISKA: UGH look they're just my drug dealer okay? Don't make such a 8ig fucking deal a8out it.  
JUNE: but. um.  
VRISKA: 8ut what??  
JUNE: but i promised my dad? "no drugs" remember?  
VRISKA: Then don't do drugs with us. Or lie to him and do drugs anyway. Look it's just weed, it 8asically doesn't count.  
JUNE: the federal government begs to differ.  
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU, 4 COP?  
JUNE: no! i just-  
VRISKA: Are you seriously telling me you've never smoked weed 8efore?  
JUNE: i mean i've... been around people who smoked it?  
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 SO 1NNOC3NT  
JUNE: is that a good thing?  
VRISKA: Only if you don't call the cops on us.  
JUNE: why would i do that, i'd get in just as much trouble as you!  
VRISKA: HAH!  
JUNE: what?  
TEREZI: WOULD YOUR D4DDY G3T R34L CROSS??  
JUNE: yes!!!!  
TEREZI: WH4T WOULD H3 DO, GROUND YOU?  
JUNE: he can be really mean when he wants to be!

Vriska and Terezi both just laugh, but I don't see what's funny.

JUNE: what??  
JUNE: what??????  
VRISKA: Nothing.  
JUNE: tell me!  
TEREZI: DONT WORRY YOUR PR3TTY H34D 4BOUT 1T, CUT3 G1RL.  
JUNE: i don't get it, what's so funny?  
VRISKA: Just some troll humor, you wouldn't understand.  
JUNE: please don't condescend to me.

That just makes them both laugh even more, and every time I ask they refuse to answer. Finally I just cross my arms and huff loudly. As we pull off the highway, I see a torn up tire leaning against the guard rail and wonder how long it looked perfectly fine until it burst.


	3. take a look at this fine creation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING for: questionably ironic transphobia

I'm sitting back against the hood of the car next to Vriska, lit cigarette planted in the corner of her lips. She's got her head back, looking up at the ceiling over the gas pumps, her dark hair halfway down her back and just brushing the car's cerulean surface.

JUNE: you doing okay?  
VRISKA: Yeah, just a fucking headache. You?  
JUNE: i always get a little queasy in stop and go traffic. once we get out of the city i'll be fine.  
VRISKA: Cool.

She glances down at her phone, then puts it away again.

JUNE: so, uh. are you sure you're okay with...  
JUNE: you know...  
VRISKA: No, I don't know actually.

I glance around, just to make sure she's still in the bathroom.

JUNE: terezi.  
VRISKA: UGH, yes already!!!!!!!! How many times do I have to tell you!? It's fine. We're cool. Stop 8eing weird a8out it.  
JUNE: am i being weird about it?  
VRISKA: A little! Look, the worst that can happen is that we get into a huge fight and none of us ever talk to each other again, okay? Low stakes vac8ion.  
JUNE: uhhhh??

Before I can say anything else, we hear a whistle from next to the gas station building. Standing by the locked propane cabinet is a troll in a short black skirt and fishnets with leather boots and a baggy shirt that sags off one shoulder waving at us.

VRISKA: There he is. YOU'RE L8TE!  
??????: FUCK YOU THERE WWAS TRAFFIC  
VRISKA: Yeah, whatever. I'll 8e right 8ack, June.

She pushes off the car and walks across the parking lot towards him, leaving me to wait for the gas pump to finish. I watch them disappear behind the building with some concern, but whatever. She's old enough to buy alcohol, she's old enough to handle whoever this is. Pull out my phone and text Terezi.

EB: hey can you get me some peach rings :0  
GC: HOW M4NY  
EB: i don't know, however many come in a single bag?  
GC: 1LL S33 WH4T 1 C4N DO  
GC: DO3S VR1SK4 W4NT 4NYTH1NG?

They're still out of sight.

EB: idk like a red bull?  
GC: TH4TS P3RF3CT, SH3 H4T3S THOS3  
EB: what

Suddenly Vriska storms past me and starts putting the gas nozzle away and capping the tank. She's grumbling something but I can't quite hear what she's saying.

JUNE: what's up?  
VRISKA: Nothing. June, meet Eridan.

A hand claps on my shoulder and I look to see the troll from before smiling with a bedroll under one arm.

JUNE: oh, uh. hi?  
ERIDAN: sup  
JUNE: nothing much! just, you know. going on a road trip.  
ERIDAN: so wwhat are you like 14  
ERIDAN: little young for you aint she vvris  
VRISKA: Shut up.  
JUNE: actually i'm nineteen?  
ERIDAN: awwww thats cute  
ERIDAN: goin in for rich human trannies noww are wwe?  
JUNE: hey-

Vriska spins around and marches up to Eridan's face and points at his chest.

VRISKA: What did I tell you? Huh? Leave her the fuck alone.  
ERIDAN: oh come on june doesnt care  
ERIDAN: right june  
JUNE: uhh  
JUNE: about... being called a...?  
ERIDAN: a tranny yeah  
JUNE: um  
ERIDAN: jegus savve me from these transtrenders cant evven say the fuckin wword  
JUNE: i've been on hrt for like a year and a half!!  
ERIDAN: shortstuffs tryin to impress me sayin shes almost old enough to eat solid food lmao  
VRISKA: Do you want me to leave you here? 8ecause I will.  
ERIDAN: oh wwhat i aint misgenderin her  
VRISKA: I told you, don't 8e a dick!  
ERIDAN: nobody got a sense a humor anymore  
JUNE: there was a joke?  
ERIDAN: i see at least twwo right in front a me  
VRISKA: Do you want a ride or not?  
ERIDAN: obvviously i wwant a ride  
ERIDAN: buncha fuckin snowwflakes in this towwn i swwear

I watch as Eridan crawls over the front seat into the back, and by the time I realize he's gonna flash his panties it's already too late to look away. Pink and black stripes. We lock eyes as he settles in and he- he _smiles-_ and he _winks-_

ERIDAN: you like wwhat you saww  
JUNE: UHH sorry!! i didn't mean to ogle-  
ERIDAN: you kiddin  
ERIDAN: im just annoyed cuz i almost went commando today  
JUNE: c- commando?  
ERIDAN: oh honey

I'm blushing and I don't know why and I think maybe Eridan is saying something sexual but I think also he might be threatening me with gun violence and my tongue feels like a fat slug in my mouth so I just back away slowly and rotate my entire body ninety degrees. As Vriska finishes paying for the gas I slide up next to her and whisper.

JUNE: (did i do something wrong? i think he's mad at me.)  
VRISKA: (Wha-)  
VRISKA: (You're worried that HE'S mad at-)  
VRISKA: (Jeez, no wonder everyone walks all over you!)  
JUNE: (huh?)  
VRISKA: (No, he's not mad at you. He's just...)  
VRISKA: (Like that.)  
JUNE: (a dick?)  
VRISKA: (Pr8ty much. Don't worry, he'll only 8e with us for-)  
TEREZI: (H3Y W3 SHOULD G3T 1N TH3 C4R)  
TEREZI: (4LSO WH4T 4R3 W3 WHISP3R1NG 4BOUT??)

I nearly jump out of my skin to find her standing there not an inch away from me. Vriska cackles at my surprise, so clearly she saw Terezi coming from a million miles away.

VRISKA: I can't 8elieve you didn't notice her!  
JUNE: i'm a little bit distracted right now!!!  
VRISKA: Hey, what did you mean we should get in the car?  
TEREZI: UHHHH W3LL  
ERIDAN: fuck me right in the sashimi is that terezi pyrope

Now it's _her_ turn to do a dramatic spin in place to face our unexpected fourth party member.

TEREZI: _DU4LSC4R????_  
VRISKA: His name is Eridan.  
TEREZI: Y34H 1 KNOW WH4T H1S N4M3 1S, WH4TS H3 DO1NG H3R3?????  
VRISKA: He's my drug dealer.  
ERIDAN: im her drug dealer  
TEREZI: WHY D1DNT YOU T3LL M3 H3 W4S YOUR DRUG D34L3R  
VRISKA: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I needed to get _your_ approv8l over who I do or don't 8uy drugs fr8m!  
TEREZI: YOU DO 1F YOU W4NT TO 4VO1D SCUMB4GS L1K3-  
JUNE: hey the clerk is staring at us.  
TEREZI: D4MN

As Vriska looks back towards the store, Terezi frantically starts pushing us all back in the car.

TEREZI: W3 C4N T4LK 4BOUT TH1S ON TH3 RO4D COM3 ON L3TS GO  
VRISKA: I still need to pee, what's the rush!   
TEREZI: NOTH1NG 1 JUST THOUGHT TH3R3 W4S 4 GOOD CH4NC3 H3 WOULDNT NOT1C3  
VRISKA: Notice WHAT!!  
ERIDAN: obvviously bitches be shopliftin  
TEREZI: YOU C4NT PROV3 TH4T 1N COURT  
TEREZI: BUT H3 W1LL 1F W3 DONT G3T ON TH3 FUCK1NG RO4D!!!!!!

The old clerk runs out shaking his fist over his head. He's wearing a ratty sweater and jeans that look like they just emerged from a dream of the 1970's.

CLERK: HEY Y9U LITTLE uh  
CLERK: what's a respectful w9rd f9r min9rs...  
CLERK: YOU LITTLE PREPU6ESCENTS  
TEREZI: CH33S3 1T!!!

Vriska slams the driver side door, starts the car, and hammers down on the accelerator. I watch through the rear window as the clerk shouts indistinguishably, until soon enough he's swallowed by the horizon. It's only now that I realize in the panic of the moment I wound up in the cramped back seat with Eridan. I glance over at him nervously, but his eyes are glued to his phone... which is, to my amazement, a fucking flip phone. Is that a Nokia Razer? Suddenly, Terezi's hands are thrust into my face holding a pile of peach rings. She dumps them unceremoniously into my lap.

TEREZI: H3R3  
JUNE: did you steal these?  
TEREZI: TH3Y W3R3 4CQU1R3D  
JUNE: where's the bag?  
TEREZI: YOU W4NT3D TH3 B4G TOO????  
JUNE: terezi this is illegal! what if that guy calls the cops on us?  
VRISKA: Over some candy? Please.  
JUNE: you don't know! you never know with guys like that.  
ERIDAN: guys like wwhat  
JUNE: like! uh-  
JUNE: oh.  
JUNE: sorry. i just don't want to get in trouble with my dad!  
VRISKA: Technically you only promised him to avoid 8ooze, drugs, and 8oys.  
JUNE: because "no shoplifting" goes without saying!  
TEREZI: 1N TH3 CR1M3 DO1NG BUS1N3SS TH4TS C4LL3D 4 LOOPHOL3  
JUNE: oh my god.  
ERIDAN: wwhatsamatter girly girl fraid daddys gonna cut your allowwance in half r somethin  
JUNE: yes! among other things!  
TEREZI: OH TH4T R3M1NDS M3  
TEREZI: 1 4LSO GOT _TH1S_ FOR YOU, VR1SK4  
VRISKA: Aww, you stole something just for m-

Vriska glances over and sees Terezi displaying in her hands gameshow-style a single can of Red Bull, wild sharky grin plastered ear to ear. When Vriska sighs, Terezi starts cackling so loud I almost expect the windows to break.

VRISKA: Wow, seriously?  
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!  
VRISKA: You know I h8te that stuff.  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW! TH4TS WHY 1TS FUNNY!!!  
VRISKA: Fantastic joke.

She grabs the can out of Terezi's hands and tosses it at me, but of course I was distracted so it bounces off my chest and lands in my lap, on top of the peach rings.

VRISKA: Here June, drink this. It'll distract you from the misdemeanor you were just party to.  
JUNE: but... it's an energy drink.  
TEREZI: SO?  
JUNE: my dad says i can't-  
ERIDAN: wwoww you really are a daddys girl  
JUNE: -have ener  
JUNE: gy  
JUNE: uh  
JUNE: drinks  
VRISKA: Why?  
JUNE: he says it exacerbates my attention deficit-  
VIOLENT J: BITCHES

Next to me, Eridan is playing an ICP song out of the miserably tinny speakers of his flip phone.

VRISKA: I am not listening to that cult shit.  
ERIDAN: yeah wwell im not listenin to you bitches argue anymore so unless you got somethin else to dj  
VRISKA: You realize half the people in this car have 8een targeted 8y-  
TEREZI: 1 LOV3 TH1S SONG!!! >:D  
TEREZI: _BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK?!_  
ERIDAN: _wwhat are you trying to do to me_  
TEREZI: _YOU W4SNT TRU3 TO M3_  
ERIDAN: _wwhen I was locked up you fucked something like 34 guys_  
TEREZI: _BUT 1 L3T TH4T SL1D3_  
JUNE: (what is happening?)  
VRISKA: (Just eat your peach rings, June.)  
JUNE: (ok...)  
ERIDAN: _cuz your ass is big and your titties is fat_  
TEREZI: _1 W4NT3D TO FUCK THAT_  
ERIDAN: _BUT FUCK THAT!!_  
TEREZI: _BUT FUCK TH4T!!!!_


End file.
